I just read your original story and found it to be very funny. (Full transparency - I'm am American/Canadian who has lived in Europe and the US since I was 14. So I may not be in the demographic you are concerned that you offended!) I read Mary and Will's comments after reading your story - it appears you have edited it according to their suggestions, as I see no mention of a Scott or cesarean birth ... I think it now stays well on topic.

I'm wondering if the title might still need a little work (but I have no right to judge, as my titles are often terrible!) Maybe it needs to be personalized a bit? "My Humorous Attempt to Correct the Misconceptions About Canadian Polar Bears."

Or, maybe: A (Humorous) Attempt to Correct Widespread Misconceptions About Canadian Polar Bears.

(That raises a question for me. Is it possible to change the title of a story on Medium after it is published? Does it affect the url if you do so, and does that have any consequences? I have no idea??)

I loved it. Keep writing. You are very funny!